Tuesday, 21 July 2009
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Poll: To Date or Not To Date - That is my Question
I'm putting this out there for you, good people of the masses, to share your thoughts and opinions. In order to make an informed assessment, you will first need to know a few things about me. So, about me:
I am 25. I'm rather emotionally mature for my age - at least I think so. I also believe I am quite educated and well spoken (I have a degree in Journalism, I suppose I'd be a complete failure if I were not exemplary of either of the previous qualities). I am fiercely independent in ways that make many people uncomfortable. Not because I feel as though I need to prove myself or because of some feminist ideal, I'm just a very practical, assertive, blunt/honest, logical-thinking person. I don't find it necessary for men to open car doors for me or pull out chairs for me. Yes, I absolutely appreciate the chivalry, but please don't be offended if I do not WAIT for you to come around to the side of the car and open the door for me. It is not necessary and wastes time. If you happen to reach the door before me, then that's cool. If not, no worries -I'm on it.
I say what is on my mind as clearly and succinctly as I possibly can as to avoid any confusion about the meaning behind my words. Just because I do not sugar coat things does not mean that I am cold and uncaring, I'm just trying to effectively communicate. I do not now, nor have I ever, had the desire to reproduce. I am not a breeder. Babies and pregnant women freak me out. I have felt this way since junior high. People find it necessary to repetitively stress to me that some day my biological clock will start ticking and my mothering instinct will kick in. Guess what? My biological clock is broken. She ain't tickin' no more.
I neither consider myself a leader nor a follower. I'm much more of a nomad. I will do my own thing, all by myself, and be completely content with it. I crave constant intellectual stimulation and get bored easily. I enjoy trying new things, visiting new places, and I don't like to stay in the same environment for prolonged periods of time. That is not to say that I don't like "stability." On the contrary, due to my nature, stability is something that I absolutely cannot live without. I'm too organized and punctual not to have it. But the things I need stability in are not physical. I need emotional stability. I need financial stability. Routine is good in moderation. Moderation is not the equivalent of monotony.
Now - being that the older I get, the more I am attuned to who I am, and what I need, it makes it fairly easy to evaluate the people that I date. But my friends often chastise me for "not giving anyone a chance." I am the first to admit, I am extremely picky when it comes to dating someone. But the fact of the matter is, there's just not very many people out there who are compatible with me who, at the same time, can handle my personality and sense of humor.
So here's my situation. I met a guy last week. He's 35. Ten years older than me. Never been married, has no children but does want children some day. He's a very nice guy. Grew up in a small town, and still lives there. He likes it there. He's not too keen on foreign food or scary movies (things that I enjoy a great deal). He also does not like animals. I have a cat. I also like animals. Lots of animals. I'd have a zoo if I had the space.
The point is, he asked me out on a date. I agreed to go, because I do find him attractive and I also think he's a nice guy. However, I had my reservations about it for the obvious reasons above. I hate going into something like this just knowing in the back of my head that it's not going to work out. Once again, friends of mine were saying, "you haven't even gone out with this guy and you're already thinking that far ahead?"
Am I wrong to analyze my dating life in such a way? I mean, isn't the point of dating to eventually find a partner with whom you are comfortable being with for the long haul? Sure, I'm young. I should just date and have fun...but eventually someone is going to have to be let go. I hate breaking hearts of undeserving people. If you go into a relationship knowing that it's not going to work out, isn't that considered "leading them on?"
What are your thoughts?
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Comments (1)
I say go out with the guy. You never know what you might learn. I've always stuck to the old adage that a zebra can't change his stripes, however, I believe that it only applies to major life attitudes/personality. Maybe the guy doesn't like animals because he never had a real pet growing up (a lot of small-town folk like us may have farm animals or "working" dogs -- for hunting or herding, etc -- but never had a dog they really spent time with...). The same goes for "not liking" foreign food. What that says to me is that he's never been exposed to it -- not that he's necessarily close-minded (although I'm always wary of someone who has close-minded tendencies -- I still try to give them a chance).
I guess my point is that people with close-minded tendencies can shed those attitudes... it's likely a question of exposure and learned behavior as opposed to a permanent personality quirk. Here's my suggestion/test: Go out with him. If you like him, and he likes you, THEN you take him to an Indian or Japanese joint, and let him try some of the more tame foods they have at those places -- things that are similar to some American dish that he likes. If he flat-out refuses to go at all, or refuses to try something new -- RUN. If you're looking for stability AND adventure all in one package, that's how you know you've found it... if he's completely unwilling to try something new that is as simple as one meal, he's not the right guy for you... whether he's nice or not, the relationship will become stale. I've been there. Trust me. The niceness wears off after a while -- and the adventures are what keeps things interesting. Those kind of people will bore the hell out of you after a few months.